Intentional Rest: The Feast

Hey everyone! 

It's been a couple of minutes since the last post and I'm back! Super excited to be sharing on rest for the next few weeks and how God was speaking to me in this season. 

The title of this new series is called "Intentional Rest". This whole idea sounds very contradictory. How can you do rest intentionally? How do you put effort into resting? Doesn't rest mean doing nothing? Why do I need to do it intentionally? 

Like everyone else this year, my summer plans have been cancelled thanks to COVID-19. I was originally going to Australia for an immersion experience and I was really excited for it. I've waited for almost 3 years for this to happen. Honestly, it was one of the reasons why I choose to study English and Education. 

I was really looking forward to this trip because I saw it as an opportunity for me to rest and have a little bit of an escape from life in Hong Kong. Over the past year, Hong Kong has gone through hardships and challenges and it was taking a toll on me too. The atmosphere wasn't great, it was stressful so I was longing for a break (not to say that I don't love this city). On top of that, I've had a really busy year of just running around, trying to juggle all of my responsibilities at school and at church. I was exhausted. 

I spent the last year serving a youth organisation at school and it was a particularly difficult year. It all started off so hopeful and I had all these big plans but they fell apart when the rest of my spring semester was suspended in March. It hit my confidence really hard and I felt like a failure. Here I was thinking, "I've laboured myself in this organisation for the past 2 years and I don't have much to show for it. I did not deliver what I promised and it was all my fault." 

This was all happening while I was contemplating on taking a break from serving at church. I have been on the worship team ever since I was 14. I've spent 6 years on the team and never once have I asked for a break. I looked at people around me and I thought, "Hey! They've been on the team for longer, they deserve to rest..." or "this person is so talented and he plays every week! He must be exhausted. If anyone should rest, it would be him. He earned it!" I always thought until I serve an X number of weeks, months or years, then I'll get to rest. I'm not there yet.  

Again, I just couldn't wait to go to Australia and just chill for 2 months without having anything tied to me. By then, someone else would've taken my place in the organisation and I wouldn't need to serve at church because no church is going to let a new visitor/temporary member be on the worship team. 

WHO WAS I KIDDING IF NOT MYSELF!?! 

The Aussie trip would not have been my first solo trip. I spent 6 weeks volunteering in Taiwan last year. I was away from home, away from my church, my community, the organisation. I thought that it would be an awesome time of self-discovery and self-care (I don't actually use these words IRL). I couldn't have been more wrong. 

I had to come back to Hong Kong on a weekend in the middle of my trip to see my godparents who were visiting from Indonesia and to celebrate my brother's birthday. This was my schedule for my short stop in Hong Kong: 

Friday

    5 pm - arrive Hong Kong 

    6 pm - have dinner with godparents and family 

    7 pm - arrive at church to make it in time for college group 

Saturday 

    Spend time with family 

Sunday 

    10 am - serve at the Indonesian church with family 

    2 pm - go to SP and serve the afternoon service 

    7 pm - pack and prep to leave to Taiwan 

I managed to serve at two different churches in one Sunday. I had about 60 hours in Hong Kong and my sole purpose was to serve in my home church. I remember frantically checking the worship team schedule to see if they need anyone to play keyboard or bass. I immediately texted the worship leader to let him know I'm available. I'm not saying serving is bad. But I've always felt obligated to serve whenever there's a vacancy. When given a choice between serving and resting, I would always choose to serve. 

There is something I fear. I'm scared that God is not going to use me when I say "no" to serving. I fear that He will no longer love me when I don't serve. I'm scared that when I don't serve, and someone else took my place, God will love him/her more than He loves me because I said "no". 

Fortunately, there are two people who are in the same boat as I am - Martha and the Elder Brother from the parable of the Prodigal Son. The three of us are very similar. When given the opportunity to do something, we do. I think we do this partly because no one else is doing it and we need to get it done so why not? But the other reason, and the one we're scared to admit is that we have rooted our values and worth in the way we serve. Unfortunately, this wasn't a great thing to do. 

Let's take a look at what happened.. 

Luke 10:38-42 talks about the story of Mary and Martha. Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet while Martha was busy being a great host by getting the house in order, making it all pretty. In verse 40, she said to Jesus, "Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" 

Luke 15:11-32 tells the story of the prodigal son. In the second act of the story, during the feast, the elder son left the party and said to his dad, "Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!"

In May 2020, Kardia said, "God, I have served you all my life. I have been so good. I never asked for anything but I am exhausted now! Other people literally go in and out of the team and their ministries anytime they want. I have to serve every week. Why? What more do you want me to do?" 

We were all just so tired and we grew resentful, so angry at God. We forgot that He's a good God. He's a good Father. Here's proof: 

Luke 10:41-42, Jesus said "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Luke 15:31, the father said to the elder son, "Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours."

Jesus wanted Martha to enjoy His presence and His word instead of busying herself. He wanted her to rest at His feet. He never asked for a pretty house to enter into. He just wants us to be there. The father never withheld anything from his son. In fact, he wanted the son to enjoy the feast with him too and celebrate as a family. 

A feast usually comprises of three components: food, community and joy. In the case of Martha, Jesus wanted her to enjoy the spiritual food He had prepared for her, His words. As for the elder son, his father wanted to be in community with him - to become one. His self-righteousness and pride separated himself from the father, God. Lastly, God wants us to have joy. This joy comes from being freed from any fear or resentment. 

God has prepared this feast for us, and it has always been there. But sometimes, we are so busy serving we miss out on this. It's okay to rest. He wants to enjoy us in our rest and we get to enjoy Him more when we do. We get to be one with God when we intentionally put down what's important to seek His face. For some of us, this means intentionally resting. 

I'm glad I didn't get to go to Australia this year. I wouldn't have learnt this had I gone. I would've used the trip as a way to convince myself that I'm resting knowing full well that I would somehow find a way to serve. It wouldn't have been a decision and I wouldn't have made it an effort to experience God. 

Challenge yourself to rest. I know it can be difficult since everyone is working from home and we can't really go out these days. But since we're all getting restless, take a day-off, put your phone away and just soak in His presence. Let God speak into your life, be one with you and give you joy. He has prepared a feast for us, let's enjoy it.